The Diary of a Holmes
by CatoLaufeyson
Summary: Almost a year after Sherlock initiated his jump from the roof of St. Barts, he is cleaning up with those who remain of the web of James Moriarty. Eliminating the different criminals, he starts writing a diary to cope with the loneliness which overcomes him whenever he thinks of John Watson. These are his entries over the time. Johnlock OC called Henry Moriarty added for the plot.
1. Diary Entry no1: First Entry by SH

Sean Heirs

Lawyer

New York City

Dear Diary...What a stupid phrase that is. I mean, It's not like I am talking to anyone. I left everyone who I would talk to and who would listen to me back in London. They all believe I died. Molly knows I am not since she was the one who helped me initiate my jump off St. Barts' roof. I hope she already told John the truth. I told her to do so as soon as possible. I still know how broken he was when we met. I saw his life being given a true purpose again. Helping me with the cases, running around London, he really seemed to be getting better, to be developing a live with me. I hope I didn't ruin all of that when I left.

John... He is the one I miss the most. I miss how he always tried to get me to behave properly, how we talked, the two of us watching crap telly together, his stupid remarks of the most obvious things when he tried to help me with a case, his compliments, his excitement whenever he was with me, him defending me in front of others. I miss the somehow loving frustration I heard in almost every word he ever said to me. I miss the two of us laughing at crime scenes even though it isn't appropriate for a situation like that, us two mocking Lestrade or Anderson. I miss his endless denial of his obvious feelings for me. I understand why he doesn't approve of his feelings, though. He isn't gay, as he always said. He is just in love with me for some reason I don't understand at all. Another thing about John I miss: He can surprise me and give me mysteries to solve just by being himself.

I really wish he was here with me and that I could talk to him instead of writing into a stupid book and going on about how much I miss him. I miss the other ones, too. Mrs. Hudson, Lestrade and sometimes even Mycroft. For now I will have to stay in New York City, though. I need to get rid of a few people before I can return to my beloved Doctor. All the killers that are or were part of Moriarty's big web will have to be eliminated before I can return to the UK again. The smaller ones of Jim's network like thiefs, hackers, and others, got killed by some people I hired. It wasn't that difficult to intimidate some little assassins that weren't part of the community to kill those who were. There is always a great amount of competitive thoughts and hatred between different "gangs" or groups of criminals. Hearing who I was, and how I tricked one of the few men of their "kind" who actually have this thing we call a brain and intelligence, they all panicked. If someone is ruthless and sly enough to trick a man like James Moriarty, you fear him. Now that the smaller criminals have been eliminated, I only have 3 people to go. The three people who became the heads of the network after Jim killed himself to kill me: Natalie Breer, a russian assassin, originally called Natalia Rasevzci, Sebastian Moran who used to be Jim's boyfriend. And finally: Henry Moriarty, Jim's younger brother who inherited his brothers throne and is now reigning over his James' empire of crime. The biggest problem of these three is Mrs. Breer. She is married, so she wont be seduceable, which is to be honest good in a way since I have discovered that it's easier for me to seduce men. Women otherwise are something completely different. They somehow sense when I am acting and those who don't aren't even close to having as much intelligence as Mrs. Breer possesses. Irene Adler was an exception, it seems. One of the cleverest people in this world and still she thought of my somehow childish feelings of attraction for her as real ones. That's probably why she fell for me that time ago.

Natalia will hopefully not be an as big problem as I think she will be. I will have to introduce myself to the assassin as her new "partner in crime" (after I had her last partner finished off a few weeks ago). If I get her, the way to Sebastian Moran and Henry Moriarty isn't that long and difficult anymore. I am really trying to be positive since this is the only way for me to get back home.

I really hope it will work out well.

Sherlock Holmes

aka. Sean Heirs (at the moment)


	2. Diary Entry no2: Natalia Rasevzci

Dear Diary... Oh, I still can't get used to this.

Well, then... Here we go with diary entry no.2 of this stupidity. I really don't know why I keep doing this but it seems to be helping with the feeling of loneliness that caught me increasingly often during these 11 months that I have been without John. I wrote the last entry over a week ago... That was when I was still staying in New York City, hidden under the identity of Sean Heirs, a lawyer I invented and placed in the computers of different important city agencies. I travelled to Moscow three days ago, prepared to face one of the most dangerous assassins and women in this world: Natalia Breer. She is staying in Moscow at the moment because she has a target to eliminate here. She had to stay longer because her partner got killed a few weeks ago. I will be her new partner to take out that target. Since the plan was to seduce the target and get him into a hotel room to then kill him, she needs a male partner. Discovering, after long weeks of trying to catch his attention and failing that the target is indeed, gay, she now searched for a new, good-looking, male partner through a website created and hidden by Henry Moriarty, so I am now her new partner. They should really choose the ones who do their research way more carefully.

After I had answered to her question for help, sent her a picture of a quite hot man I had killed, she sent me the ticket. She actually knew it was me and that I was coming for her. But being quite arrogant and confident, she didn't tell anyone. I had her knocked out soon, thanks to some drugs similar to those once used on me. When Natalia woke up again, she had already been handed over to a friend that I made while staying in New York. Colin is an agent of the FBI and was really glad to tell everyone that he had been the one to catch the famous and dangerous assassin Natalia Rasevzci. He had already been looking for her all over the world so his success didn't even look suspicious to anyone. They were just envious that he was the one to get all the honor. Even though they are all boasting with being "a friend" of the man who caught a dangerous assassin.

I am just happy that she didn't get a chance to tell her colleagues who was coming after her.

Yesterday, I finally met Sebastian Moran. He is as handsome, sly and strong as I expected. Who would expect less from the boyfriend of the most intelligent criminal in this world? A man sly enough to think of a system of consulting criminals? But still, Sebastian definitely isn't my type. I am much more intelligent than he will ever be, I dealt with more men who had an oversized ego like his, and also, I can be more brutal. I have something left to fight for. His strength isn't as impressive as he thinks, if someone used to share a flat with an ex-soldier like John Watson. There he is again: Doctor John Hamish Watson. He seems to have filled out every single aspect of my life. Somehow, the soldier crept into my brain. I see things that remind me of him all the time. Even if they are just some (ugly) jumpers I see in a store or a man with short, military-like cut hair. I hope I will be able to get back to him soon. His life must be so boring without a consulting detective and our cases to keep him occupied. What if he doesn't even know I am still alive? Everything could happen when a man like him is grieving for a friend they loved. I just hope he won't do anything stupid. Of course I keep mailing with Molly, but we always avoid the subject "How John is doing" since she knows how much it would hurt me, no matter what she said. If he went on with his life and is happy again? I would hate to hear that he has forgotten a friendship like ours, even if it were for his best. But I wouldn't want to hear about him still being in pain about me leaving. I don't want John to be in pain because of his stupid feelings for a freak like me.

And I always know I hurt him badly, if he knows I am alive or if he doesn't... And of course she knows that hurts me, too. She knows that I feel, even though and no matter how hard I pretend that I don't. I like for appreciating that fact even if those feelings aren't for her.

That is why she always counted.

Sherlock Holmes

aka. Sergeij Hreika

(just for a few days more)


End file.
